08 May 2008

Days 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38 - Way 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38

Looking abck on this past week, I wish that I had taken just 5 minutes each day to write down my thoughts or feelings, but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't stop myself long enough to truly reflect on the little miracles that dotted my path. Now, the time has passed and I feel as though I would be unfair to my intentions for this blog if I were to go back and try to guess and catologue the blessings I can see in retrospect. So instead, tonight I wish to say, that I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for giving me the air to breath and the spirit of peace that got me through this last week. I'm not going to lie, I made this last week difficult on myself over the past few months, when I procrastinated and ignored the deadlines that I always knew existed. I can also not lie and say that graduating was easy without my parents there with me. I AM A VERY DEPENDENT LITTLE GIRL. I still need my mommy and daddy. I was grateful to have the support that I did have, but it didn't come close to being the kind of love and care that I have grown up expecting from my parents. I guess the miracle is that I didn't stay curled up in a ball in my bed crying all week. The miracle is that I didn't use a scam quick loan company to get enough money to fly to Japan to be with my mommy. The miracle is that I did it! I graduated on my own, and although I will always remember the feeling of loneliness that I felt that day, and I will never forget the tears I cried knowing my mommy wasn't by my side, I can say that I am capable of enduring alone. I'm not all grown up just yet, but I'm a lot further along than I was a month ago.

1 comment:

DeLacerzzzz said...

Thanks for making me cry in my new make-up brat.

I like this blog because I get to see past TRacy's exterior, which is tough as nails, to her interior which I knew existed all along. Thank goodness for that large miracle....

I am sad that I didn't document my days somewhere else but I can't do anything about it now but go forward.

Wednesday my miracle was losing 5 lbs and not passing out from exhaustion. I made it through the tough cleansing part and now I can move forward with 6.5 less lbs. (It's Thursday morning). I CAN do this and I WILL do this. School starts next week. I am happy about that..... I also was selected for the UCF Summer Research Scholar Academy. I am very excited and proud of that.

Again, good job TRacy on your accomplishments. Sorry I couldn't be there for you.

If it makes you feel better, you missed my graduation ;-) HAHA